avoiding confrontation

http://maridublado.wordpress.com

word.

for a while there, i almost forgot how hard life can be.

always be cautious when things are going well for you.

Are You there?
God where are You?

Are You hiding in Your Heaven?
Or beneath Your deepest sea?
Was there something in our past imperfect?
Is it something that we should have known?

Are You there?
God where are You?

Are You hiding God?
Are You hiding in the rain?
Are You hiding?
Are You there?

I am here

I am here in every song you sing
In the wings of a rising lark
Through the darkness to the morning light.
I am present in everything.

I am here as first a new born babe
Open your eyes on the universe.

I am here
I am here now.
I am with You.

I lost my wife
She lost her life

Until then
the luxury
of no responsibility

Chopper wouldn't
fall that night
as, clenched inside a glove
we sucked
each other's energy

Sadness isn't sadness
it's happiness
in a black jacket

Death isn't death
it's life
that's jumped off a tall cliff

Tears are not tears
They're balls
of laughter
dipped in salt

Most of her days
She sits waiting for someone
Dreaming of romance
----Someday he'll come along

Most of my life has been spent
Painting pictures in song

He fills his time
Slowly building a home
They can be proud of
Makes it big and strong

I find that I fill my time
Painting pictures in son

Some spend their time
Trying to learn how
To measure the distance
Between right and wrong

Most of my time has been spent
Painting pictures in song

I'll be content
Painting pictures in song

And if, instead of passing.
You stop.
You can hear the hum.
Billions of them
Bobbing from star to star.
Though flowers
Are sky blue, from a
Distance the field looks purple.
Each bee is different. And as they roam
The borage field,
They hum.

Moon's a mandarin
Orange segment.
Stars as clear as you like.
Smelling of pines
And eucalyptus.
    Quite a night.

What's changed?
Issues still the same

Then we wanted

END APARTHEID
PEACE ON EARTH
LOVE & UNDERSTANDING

Now
What have we learned?

CHANGE COMES SLOWLY
But it is
CHANGING!!!

         KEEP PUSHING

KEEP THE FAITH
         AND PRAY
THAT WE HAVE BETTER NEWS TO REPORT

TWENTY YEARS FROM TODAY

I've been working with a wide range of kids this past week. Some as young as three years old and some eleven years old. When I interact with these kids, I try to think about how I was at their age to get some sort of empathic point of view of why they are acting a certain way. If I could write to myself as a fourteen year old, this is what I would probably say:

Dear Marianne,

You just entered high school, and a prestigious one at that. You really hate the fact that your friend Lyn will not be in high school with you, because you are going to a school that was her first choice and your last choice. Be thankful, because this decision will affect you positively and negatively.

One of the big positives is that you meet absolutely fantastic people from high school. So much so, that you will still be friends with them 10 years later. And these people will help shape you into a pretty decent human being. This is by no means an easy feat. You will find that not very many people stay friends with high school classmates, but work hard at these friendships and it will reward you in such positive ways.

One of the negative things about going to this school, is that you are pigeon-holed into one career, since it is a school that specializes in health professions. Almost immediately, you have to decide what health career you have to choose. You always wanted to be a psychiatrist. You will soon realize that you don't want to use 14 years of your life towards becoming a doctor. You will be confused the next four years of your life, trying to find out what it is you want to do. Read this, and this is the important part: There is more to life than being in the health field.

You can become an artist, I know photography was always a hidden passion of yours. It was hidden because when you told your parents you wanted to be a photographer, they laughed at you and told you that you would be working at Sears if you decide to do that. Don't let it stop you. Let their doubts fuel your passion and do everything you can to learn about this craft.

Don't stop playing the piano. Your high school work load will make you want to stop playing. But, keep playing. Keep studying theory. You never know where life may take you.

You and your parents will have a rocky relationship throughout your high school years. And it will often be tested by very hard times. You will often question whether you can trust them or not. Pray. And respect your parents. They will always love you. The humblest lesson you will learn is that your parents are sinners, too. Please, love the sinner, and dislike the sin. Don't let your heart become heavy with hate. They are only human. And they're doing the best they can with what they know.

Love yourself. One of the biggest problems you have is being self conscious. Don't give in. Be confident, but not cocky. There's a fine line. You're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you differently. I hope you learn this earlier in life.

Even if you ignore everything I just said, don't worry. Life, for you, is pretty great. You are very lucky. You choose the right people to have in your life. And lessons are learned the hard way. But at least they are learned. Just take it a day at a time.

The past couple of days have been slow ones for me.

There's always something to do, but for some reason, whether it's to clean my room or read my book for graduate school, I just haven't been doing anything. Instead, I have been watching re-runs on television or watching my DVR. I don't really want to do anything or go anywhere, which is a shame, because there's always somewhere to go in my beautiful smoggy city. The only time I left the house today was to go to the gym to do a class called "Ball-ates".

I'm trying to incorporate going to the gym once a day, which is my doctor's perscription. It's going pretty well, but sometimes I need motivation.

I came back from Canada a week ago to visit my aunt and her family. It had been about 8 years since I had seen her, so it was a lovely trip. Niagara Falls was absolutely wonderful.

I guess there's a thin line between lounging around and wasting precious life. Tomorrow, I'm going to get up and get things done. Maybe clean my room. Maybe read my book.

Life is great. My 24th year of life is going pretty well, so far. It's weird to say I'm 24. By no means do I feel old. In fact, I feel as if I haven't aged a day. I went to the dentist yesterday and the hygienist asked me if I had a boyfriend. I answered I didn't at the moment. And then I realized, I'm 24. And I don't have a boyfriend. How abnormal.

After a mild freakout, I realized how abnormal I am anyways. I've always been the black sheep in my family, why start fitting in now? I just know that I'm going to hate having to explain my lack of bringing home men to family functions. I'm starting to get the reputation in my family as the next old maid. Spare me. There's a plan for me, i just need to go down the path, already.

I should go to bed. Especially if I'm going to the gym in the morning.

OneLove!

Megan, Melinda, Priscilla, and I went to Baba Yega's to have a mini-celebration for my birthday.

The last time we were there was about a few years ago for our Secret Santa get together. We took a picture in front of the restaurant today the way we did three years ago.





Half of us aren't in the picture, but it's still pretty awesome.

Happy 4th of July! From my family to yours!

Mom, Lilly, and Dad <3

When I really think about it, technology is quite overwhelming.

I am rarely on my computer at times, because I can check emails, Facebook, and Twitter on my iPod touch. And all the different social networks are overwhelming, too. I deleted my MySpace page because I wasn't on it, but highly regretted it because I realized that there were people on MySpace that did not have Facebook. And I absolutely HAD to keep in touch with them. So I opened another MySpace account, re-friended them, swore we would get a cup of coffee one of these days, and 5 months later, I am contemplating erasing MySpace, once more.

It's a continuous cycle.

Life is grand. Those past couple of posts were pretty depressing. Granted, those were my feelings at the time and it was a very dark place. I'm trying to become more optimistic and just be in a brighter place.

After all, I've got great family, great friends, and have had a plethora of experiences I never dreamed I would experience. I went on a ten-year anniversary trip with six amazing girls from high school. Renewed and rekindled friendships. I saw six countries in 10 days with my parents. The fact that we survived that feat alone is amazing. I've got one month to relax and wait until I go to graduate school this August. oh..I graduated! That's a huge accomplishment.

As always, I will try to be more attentive to LJ.

( Europe in a nutshell )

As of tomorrow at 4 p.m. I will be off to Europe. 5 countries in 12 days is crazy.

But, I am crazy excited. But worried that my parents will drive me crazy.

I already warned my dad no shenanigans!

We will see what happens.

I will be back June 29, 2009.

...feels like a constant disappointment. Only her extended family can make her feel sad.


I really miss my family in the Philippines. It's been a year.

It's absolutely amazing how one song can unite people from different walks of life.

absolutely beautiful.

things are crazy. this is the last month of my undergraduate life. i am graduating in about a MONTH! ack.

but things are still crazy. i finished a 20 page paper on asperger's syndrome. and i have 4 more to go. not as much as 20 pages, but between 10-15. that's too much.

so much so that i have decided not to use the shift key. i don't have enough time. ha

BUT i do have enough time to spend the morning with some loved ones. jackie and lilly came over with pizza and a movie. who doesn't love pizza and a movie?! [and free on my end]

while lilly got some elmo loving in her life, i watched the movie "yes man". i love jim carrey. so, it couldn't have been that bad.

it wasn't a bad movie, but it took me about 3 hours to see it. with tickle monster fights, parental fights, and fights over who got the last pizza, i finally saw a 1.5 hour movie in about 2.5 hours. lame.

but i liked the premise of the movie. just say YES...WITH a bit of caution.

and so, with that, regardless of how busy things have been, i will have dinner with my friends kim and kerrick this sunday. because it is kim's birthday. and i haven't seen my friend kerrick in almost a year because of his duties with the navy.

AND he supposedly has AWESOME pirate stories. and i LOVE me some pirate stories. ESPECIALLY if i can imagine that the pirates look like johnny depp. shhh...just let me dream.

love you!!!
<3 mare

p.s. i finally finally finally got my nikon d40!!! and it was worth every penny.

Alex, me, and Lilly at Easter

You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about James 5:11

Staying power. It's a rare commodity in a microwave society. Technological advancement has made travel, communication, and daily chores incredibly time efficient, if not instantaneous. The result is that we're not trained in perseverance. We're not accustomed to pains that can't be relieved and problems that can't be corrected. When they come, we send up prayers with almost the same expcation as when we press the buttons on our microwave. A few seconds, we think, and we should be done with it.

God doesn't usually work that way. He is thorough and precise, and He will not be rushed. When He tries us in the fire, as He did Job, nothing can get us out. The time cannot be shortened and our growth cannot come more quickly. We must learn perseverance.

James began his letter by telling about the results of perseverance--maturity and completeness (1:4). There is no way to become a mature Christian without trials. We may pray for Christlike character and hope that it will come by spiritual osmosis, but it will not. God's plan for all of His people is trial by fire. It is the only way to burn away the flesh and reveal the Spirit. It is the only way to grow. No one has ever become a true disciple without perseverance, and no one has ever persevered without pain.

What is your reaction to trials? Do you expect instantaneous answers to your prayers for deliverance? More often than not, you will be disappointed. Changed your perspective. Rather than looking for escape, look for the benefit of the trial. Let endurance have its perfect result. Ask God what He's accomplishing and then participate in it willingly. If you can learn perseverance, you will be a rarity in this world and well fit for the Kingdom of God.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3

Solomon's words would have had familiar connotations for a faithful Jew. In Deuteronomy 6, a landmark chapter in Old Testament theology, God told the Israelites first to love Him with all their heart, soul, and strength. Then He told them to take the words of the Law, divinely inscribed on tablets of stone, and inscribe them into the fabric of their soiuls. Let them be always on your hearts, He commanded. Work them into your children's hearts. Talk about them always. Tie them as symbols on your hands and foreheads. Never be away from them (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

The interesting connection between Deutoronomy and Proverbs is that the Law is defined as "love and faithfulness." It is also interesting that Deuteronomy is specific in where our love and faithfulness are first to be directed: toward God. The foremost element of a believer's life is not obedience, not service, and not doctrine. These are important -- indispensable, in fact. But they are not the priority. Love is. A passionate, vital, all-encompassing love that reaches to the depths of our being. When that is there, the rest is easy.

Do you consider your heart to be a tablet? What is written on it? Do you realize that some things can be erased by the power of God and others inscribed by that same power? It requires your full cooperation, but the junk that we've inscribed there--through all of the media and entertainment we absorb, the relationships we've had, the information we consume--can be rewritten. It can be replaced with love and faithfulness. In fact, it must be replaced with love and faithfulness if we are to learn the mind of our God at all. This is who He is, and He insists that we become like Him. Love and faithfulness define Him. Do they define you? Let them saturate your heart.